Planet Reptoid

Bigfoot - Reptoids ugly cousin or simian slaves?

Writing by Bill Shatner's Reptoid Double on Tuesday, 6 of May , 2008 at 6:02 pm

BigfootMost people believe Bigfoot is some sort of a missing link in the human evolutionary chain. Other’s believe that they were bred by aliens to roam the Everglades and Pacific Northwest. But of course, in reality, reptoids are responsible for most of the Bigfoot primate sitings. These include your Skunk Apes, Yehti, Big Foot and Windingos, not to be confused with the Marvel comic book character — whom everyone knows is not a threat since he is no match for mutant-extraordinaire Wolverine and his adamantium claws. For the most part, the reptoids genetically engineered bigfoots to protect the remote wilderness hatchery entrances from loggers and fisherman.

Bigfoot technology, however, was not exclusive to the Reptoids.

“Colonial Steve Austin was paramount in quelling the mechanical Bigfoot threat.”

An experimental mechanical Bigfoot was developed in the mid seventies by the Grey aliens. However, this creature was foiled from it’s inception, largely in part to the US government. Colonial Steve Austin, former astronaut and world’s first bionic man, was paramount in quelling the mechanical Bigfoot threat. You can probably still catch the decades-old, yet reality-based, docu-drama, the Six Million Dollar Man, on cable’s TV-Land channel. Most of these episodes were factual re-creations that were leaked by the CIA and NSA in reaction to the Grey’s breaking of the Greada treaty. Although the mechanical bigfoot is no longer a threat, the real-life Sasquatch species go about their duty of protecting the Reptiod labyrinths with reckless abandon.

Proof of the bigfoot menace was actually caught on camera for the world to see. However, the truth was kept from the public. As expected, the Reptoids used their media influence to can a quite shocking episode of the Discovery Channel’s “Axmen”. The original footage displayed a quite harrowing encounter betwixt Bigfoot and a couple Pacific Northwest lumberjacks. The edited footage shown to the public, however, simply displayed Randy and Joe drinking Old Milwaukee and fighting over a can of Skoal and what appears to be a bag of Jack Links Beef Jerky.

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Category: Reptoid Conspiracies

Where do Reptoids come from?

Writing by Bill Shatner's Reptoid Double on Saturday, 19 of April , 2008 at 2:35 pm

The answer to this question is very complex. The term “Reptoid” itself covers a broad range of alien species, natural earth shape-shifters and genetically engineered beings whose origins are largely unknown. That said, however, there are a handful of places from which reptoids have been suspected to originate:

  1. Underground Earth labyrinths.
  2. Quadrant 98 in the Orion Nebula.
  3. Other dimensions (mainly the 5th and 16th).
  4. California
  5. Uranus

Most people tend to associate reptilian beings with UFOs and native underground locations such as Mt Shasta. You may find it shocking to learn that reptoids can actually visit our planet from other dimensions and realities.

“One can only speculate that there must be some sort of reptilian gateway betwixt our universe and the 16th dimension”

Originally, string theory had predicted only 11 dimensions. That said, the notion of Reptoids coming from the 16th dimension was thought to be quite ludicrous. In fact, it was written off as a gross mis-speculation by serious reptologists and was pigeonholed as more poppycock spread by the liberal media. However, with new string theory predicting 21 or more dimensions, the 16th dimension does not sound like such an odd place for the existence of a Reptoid home base.

So how did the reptoids make it to our little rock in this vast galaxy? Well, after reptilian technology advanced, the Reptoids developed the ability to teleport from their plane of existence to other dimensions. For reasons still unknown to reptologists, reptoids have a great affinity for the fifth and the sixteenth dimensions. A well known physicist theorized that the sixteenth dimension, having a 4 square bi-spacial astral plane lattice configuration, would be very conducive to the teleportation of bi-pedal reptilian beings. So what does that have to do with earth sitings of Reptoids? One can only speculate that there must be some sort of reptilian gateway betwixt our universe and the 16th dimension. It can be described as sort of a “Stargate” for reptilian hominids. There may be one or more of these Reptoid gateways on planet Earth. Suspected locations include the Arizona desert, the Pyramids of Egypt, the Bermuda Triangle, Mt Shasta and the Starbucks on Hollywood Boulevard.

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Category: Reptoid Conspiracies

Paul McCartney’s Reptoid Impostor

Writing by Bill Shatner's Reptoid Double on Tuesday, 15 of April , 2008 at 12:50 pm

Paul McCartney as a Reptoid

“What you see here in this shocking photograph is McCartney actually in the process of shape-shifting back to human form just as the picture was snapped.”

The folklore of the 1970’s spawned a well-known conspiracy involving Paul McCartney’s death just before the release of the Sgt Pepper album. Some believe that he met an untimely demise, and was replaced by another bloke, an impostor, who went on to live his life as Paul McCartney. However, what was not known at the time is that this impostor was actually a reptoid double. What you see here in this shocking photograph, is McCartney actually in the process of shape-shifting back to human form just as the picture was snapped. You can see from Paul’s quasi-reptilian features and alligator-type teeth that he was in the process of morphing back to human form.

This photo has been analyzed by several experts in the Niagara Falls area and its authenticity has been confirmed. Yes folks, this untouched original photograph seems to prove that Paul McCartney was replaced on planet earth by a reptoid double impostor!! It’s quite remarkable that the camera’s lens actually caught the most famous member of rock-n-roll’s iconic group, the Beatles, in some sort shape-shifting metamorphosis. This physiological change is rarely caught on film, because reptoids so rarely uncloak in the presence of humans. My only guess is that he momentarily morphed back into reptilian form in order to consume a mouse or other small rodent which must of scurried through the recording studio. The implications are profound, the impact on the world is unmistakable. The Beatles, credited as the pioneers of pop music and one of the most influential bands in rock-and-roll history, were apparently fronted by a bass-playing Reptoid!

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Category: Reptoid Conspiracies, Reptoids & Pop Culture

Global warming unleashes Reptoid hatcheries

Writing by Bill Shatner's Reptoid Double on Sunday, 6 of April , 2008 at 12:44 pm

Most of the scientific community would agree that global warming is a reality in the 21st century. As more and more permafrost begins to thaw, countless reptoid hatcheries, planted eons ago deep beneath the planet’s surface, will begin to incubate. With more and more active hatcheries, this means the reptoids will need countless humanoid slaves to man the facilities. With the Grey’s heavy demand for humanoids in our quadrant of the solar system, importation from other galaxies is becoming less feasible. So the reptoids will have turn to native Earth humanoid species.

This brings up a key element of reptoid agenda, US immigration. It’s well know that the reptoids are in favor of constructing a wall separating the US from Mexico. However, they are not concerned about illegal immigration to the US, they simply want to redirect the influx of migrant workers directly from Mexico straight to their underground hatcheries. Active construction on such a wall would also disguise the true nature of the operations… the drilling of vast tunnels that lead directly to the Reptoid labyrinth.

So what about the border to the north? Wouldn’t Canadian slave labor work just as well for the reptoids? Well, after abducting a handful of Canadians, the reptoids found them to be more of an annoyance than anything. Having the work ethic of a three-toed ground Sloth (which are far less expensive to import), they were not worth the primate paste required to sustain the colony of shiftless humanoids. The reptoids were forced to release the captive humans back to their natural habitat where they went about their daily jobs in Canadian Parliament.

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Category: Reptoid Conspiracies

Contrails - Reptoid skid marks in the sky

Writing by Bill Shatner's Reptoid Double on Saturday, 5 of April , 2008 at 6:24 pm

Contrails, better known as “chemtrails” by UFO buffs and conspiracy experts world wide, are increasing at a very alarming rate. It seems that the more that jets fly over, the more these smokey white trails seem to appear. It’s almost like the jets themselves are causing this phenomenon. The real answer, however, as we all fear, is not that simple.

Believe it or not, 90%-95% of all contrails are composed of reptoid waste. The vast networks of reptoid labyrinths, mostly underground reptilian aquaducts (shitters) get full and need routine cleaning. These undergound pipes encrusted with reptoid feces are for the most part cleaned by enslaved humans from level 6 ( humans that are no longer useful for cruel experiments). Once collected, another group of humanoids, from level 8, mix the waste with various psuedohalogenic compounds to create a psychotropic concoction commonly known as ” Reptoid mind control dust”. This dust is a very potent mind control agent, universally coveted by every government’s military industrial base. Upon inhalation, a human being can be forced to open a myspace account or even spend $5.00 for a cup of coffee from a Seattle-based franchise. There have also been some really serious cases which involved individuals actually buying an apple computer or iphone.

The million dollar question now becomes “how do I protect myself from these reptiod contrails?”. The very reliable practice of wrapping ones head in tinfoil goes out the window as it offers no protection from inhaling the sinister vapors. After years of research, Reptgone Laboratories, a company specializing in Reptoid protection and security , has concocted a revolutionary formula referred to as “Reptoid Contrail Antidote #17″. It’s a blue and white suppository that is designed to be taken rectally every full moon for 5 months. After this regimen, it will render one immune from reptoid mind control toxin for 48 days. However, it’s only available by a physician’s prescription. If your family doctor laughs at you or acts like they don’t know what you’re talking about, that’s a sure sign that it’s time to find another doctor that actually practises medicine and isn’t just another pawn in the vast reptoid conspiracy.

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Category: Reptoid Conspiracies

An Earthling's Guide to Reptilian Agenda

Condition Yellow

The Reptoids are massing massive hatcheries for the final assimilation of humankind. Our distant human brothers from Quandrant 98 are stuck in the Orion Nebulla without Dilithium Crystals. Mining operations are slow and taking their toll on our brethren. We are on our own till then, unless, of course the Galactica can outrun the Cylon menace. Stay tuned to Planet Reptoid for further updates!!